integrity

Many people are just laughable; they feel like insignificant nonentities. Even when they're wear beautiful suits. Perhaps especially when they wear expensive clothing. They lack something what is often called 'charisma'. I have always distrusted this word. To me it always seemed 'small persons' didn't have a shortage of charisma, but of integrity. Let me explain. I define and experience charisma as a social ability; it's a (difficult) trick to force your personality onto others. To ask of them to have very special consideration for you.

Integrity is something else entirely. This is about deeply knowing who you are. Being complete and whole. Being somebody who found himself. Integrity, from my point of view, isn't just 'being moral'. Rather, it is 'being ethical'. Integrity comes after having seen life from multiple perspectives, after having lived from multiple perspectives. It demands thinking and experimenting with morality, in order to reach a higher, ethical, point of view. A person who went through such a process knows much better what's real, and what's not worth considering.

So we roughly have four possibilities, from best to worse; integrity and charisma (1), integrity but no charisma (2), no integrity but charisma (3), no integrity and no charisma (4). Learn something from this scheme. Do not judge people easily. If you meet a type two person, you're likely to regard him or her as insignificant. Which is a complete misjudgement. If you meet a type three individual, you're likely to be deluded, unless you are very charismatic yourself. But then again, are you totally sure you have something extra, besides a highly evolved integrity?

acceptance

I adore the following statement: "when you read a book, you enter a mind". I don't know who came up with it, but the implications of this statement are enormous. The mind; that's what human life is all about. Every human has to cope with 'the' mind. Continuously. Finding ways of dealing with it. Of course it is our own mind, but I think few people find their minds always on their side. Few people are able to function totally natural from youth. Some start to live out of a sense of 'continuous synergy' when they get older. Through self exploration they began to notice the human mind can be extremely strong. At a certain point, suddenly everything seemed to go ten times easier. Most will never see life from this side, because they can't imagine life presenting itself totally differently. Because they do not learn.

Getting access to a truly healthy mind would be priceless. Think about it, we never see life from another's point of view. We never get the chance to really compare our mind with that of another. There's only personal experience, and (an interpretation of) the words and behaviour of other humans. We do not even have full access to the thoughts of somebody else, let alone his or her total experience of reality. Back to the healthy mind. This would be someone who enjoys a natural and largely unfrustrated way of being. This is not someone who never experiences pain or suffering. The fundamental difference between this kind of mind and a unhealthy one, is a certain acceptedness. Knowing that the 'me' we all feel so deeply is of the utmost importance for a happy and harmonious life. And secondly: knowing what the 'me' needs so badly.

Well, let me tell you what this 'me' needs. Although you're probably only going to understand this intellectually, not emotionally. YOU need to be accepted by the other. ALWAYS. Every single moment you're not fully concentrating on something. The 'other' is an abstract term. Mostly it is other humans who give you a certain sense of acceptance. This is often static and shallow. It misses depth because everyone wants to be accepted totally. Therefore it is not quite freely available. Most people fight for it in groups, at school or at work. Anywhere. Others have totally given up the fight; and do not recognize it anymore. Perhaps I should say: do not want to recognize it anymore. This recognition would imply The Great Fight would start again. They kind of got used to a 'not being accepted' condition. This is awful.